A Black Christmas
by VoicesOffCamera
Summary: "Trust me; my parents will barely even notice I'm not there. The Black family Christmas is more for the adults than the kids anyway." A look at Sirius Black's first Christmas at Hogwarts. One shot written for the Diagon Alley Forum Christmas Challenge.


**Author's Note:** This is just a little something I threw together for the Diagon Alley forum Christmas Challenge. I hope you like it! Please review and let me know what you think!

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><p><strong>A Black Christmas<br>**

"You're _really_ not going home for Christmas?"

Sirius sighed loudly and rolled his eyes. "Did I stutter, James?" he snapped, feeling annoyed at being asked the same question for the fourth time that morning. That wasn't even counting the unnecessary amount of times the question had been asked the night before.

"No, but _everyone_ goes home for Christmas," James insisted.

"Going home for Christmas is optional," Remus reminded him lightly as he picked at his eggs, not looking up at either of them. He had been looking a little under the weather these past couple days.

"Yeah, but—" James started.

"Just drop it, will you?" Sirius pleaded. "Trust me; my parents will barely even notice I'm not there. The Black family Christmas is more for the adults than the kids anyway." It was true. The Black family didn't do silly things like exchange gifts for Christmas or even decorate a tree. Instead there was usually a sophisticated dinner party at one of the relative's houses that had bored Sirius out of his mind for as far back as he could remember.

This had all started late the night before. Being the procrastinators that they were, the first year Gryffindor boys had just started packing to go home for Christmas break. Sirius had been lying lazily on his bed while Remus, Peter and James all packed, throwing dirty socks at the others to hinder their progress and laughing. Finally James had started throwing socks back, demanding why he wasn't packing as well. That was when Sirius had casually informed them that he wasn't going home for Christmas. It had been such an easy decision for him to make, he had no desire to go home to his disappointed parents. He had figured that would have been obvious after the Howler he had received at the beginning of the year after being Sorted into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. But the news that he would be staying at school for Christmas had shocked his friends more than he had expected it to.

"Wouldn't it be better than staying here and being by yourself for Christmas though?" James asked carefully. Sirius knew that this was really what was bothering James. He had heard him and Remus discussing it after he had gone to bed to avoid further questioning the night before. James had stated that he felt bad for leaving now that he knew that Sirius was staying. But he didn't want to disappoint his parents by not showing up either.

"No," Sirius said bluntly, meeting James' eyes in an attempt to show how serious he was about this. "It really wouldn't." Then he grinned, trying to mask any disappointment he felt that none of his friends would be staying with him. They were all excited to see their families though and it would be selfish of him to ask them to stay. "It'll be fun. I'll explore more of the castle and pull some pranks on Filch and that bloody cat of his. I'll be disappointed when you lot come back and ruin all my fun!"

His friends seemed to believe his act. He wasn't sure if that should bother him or not. The conversation finally turned away from him and to what the others would be doing for Christmas. Sirius tuned them out as he turned an unnecessary amount of focus to his breakfast.

Soon enough breakfast was over. There was excitement buzzing throughout the Great Hall as the students prepared to go home for Christmas break. Sirius got up and followed his friends through the Entrance Hall. As they came out onto the front steps of the castle Sirius stopped. The others walked a few more steps before they realized Sirius was no longer with them. The three of them turned to look at him.

"Have a good Christmas," Sirius said with as much of a smile as he could manage.

"You're not going to walk to the train with us?" James asked.

Sirius shook his head as he glanced up at the grey sky overhead. Snow had just begun to fall and Sirius hadn't brought his cloak. "It's pretty cold out. I think I'll just head back up to the Tower."

Remus and Peter waved and bid their goodbyes but James hesitated. He started to turn to leave but then seemed to change his mind as he jumped back up the couple steps to stand beside Sirius. "Send me an owl if you get bored, mate. Alright? I'll be sure to write back everyday if you want me to." He grinned and placed a hand on his shoulder. Sirius couldn't help but tense at the motion – imagining how his father would drag him around by the shoulder when he didn't move quickly enough – but James didn't seem to notice. "Don't fret too much. We'll be back before you know it."

And in the next moment James – along with Remus and Peter – were gone.

Sirius stood frozen at the top of the steps with students excited to go home for the holiday streaming past him. In their haste a few of them bumped him and he was forced to move aside to let them pass. He just kept watching as the castle emptied of most of its students. Even after the last of the students had disappeared down the lawn Sirius still found that he stood rooted to the spot, a bit shaken by how he hadn't been able to fool James into thinking he was okay with staying here by himself.

He had only known James Potter for a few months, but somehow he had seen the truth behind the act that Sirius had been trying to put on. It was something his own mother and father hadn't seen in his entire life as he put on the mask of an ideal Pureblooded son in order to avoid punishments. He had actually become quite good at the act over the years, and while he did tend to slip up now and again his parents had seemed fairly convinced most of the time. They had seemed so sure that Sirius would be Sorted into Slytherin before he had left. Even months after the fact Sirius himself still wasn't so sure about the Sorting Hat putting him into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. Was he really strong enough to go against his entire family? Wouldn't it be easier just to try and blend in like he had tried to do for most of his life?

"Hello, Mr. Black."

Sirius was startled out of his thoughts as someone came up beside him. He glanced up and saw that the Headmaster of Hogwarts was now standing next to him.

"Hello, Professor Dumbledore," he greeted in a polite way that would have made his mother proud. He did it without even thinking about it.

"Will you be spending the holidays with us?" Professor Dumbledore asked pleasantly.

"Looks like I will be," Sirius confirmed.

"Well I look forward to it," Professor Dumbledore said with a kind smile. "Now why don't you come back inside? It's a bit chilly out here. I believe the house elves have been lighting extra large fires within the common rooms to keep them warm."

Sirius nodded as he turned and followed the Headmaster back into the castle. He hadn't really realized how cold it had been outside until he stepped back into the warm castle. He parted ways with Professor Dumbledore and headed back up to the Gryffindor Tower. It was a little eerie how deserted the corridors were now that so many of the students had left. He and James had broken curfew before to explore the castle, but he had never wandered the halls on his own like this. Least of all in the middle of the day.

He arrived back in the Gryffindor Tower to find that the common room was completely empty. It was immediately obvious that he was the only Gryffindor that was planning on staying over the Christmas break. Sirius felt his heart fall a bit. He was suddenly hit with a wave of regret. He wondered if he had made the wrong decision. If he had insisted on being Sorted into Slytherin he would have been welcomed back home for Christmas by proud parents. What eleven-year-old wanted to spend the holidays by himself anyway?

Then he moved closer to the fireplace. Professor Dumbledore had been right, the fire did seem larger than usual. He fell into one of the cushy armchairs next to the fire. These seats were almost always taken by the sixth and seventh year students and he hadn't sat gotten to sit in one yet. The chair was softer and more comfortable than any piece of furniture in the Black household. He propped his feet up on the arms of the chair, something he would have immediately been reprimanded for at home. That thought made him smile to himself. There would be no scolding this Christmas. There would be no stiff dress robes to wear to a boring adult dinner party; no sitting silently while his own future was discussed around him without his input.

And with those thoughts he began to feel lighter. He began to imagine what it would be like to not have to pretend anymore. To never pretend to be that perfect Pureblooded son that he would never really be able to live up to again. To be able to be comfortable just being himself. It was a freeing thought at that moment. And he decided he would make the most out of his time here on his own. He would have his own Christmas fun doing whatever it was he wanted to do.

The next few days were not nearly as dull as Sirius had feared they would be. He explored the castle and found some new corridors and passageways they hadn't noticed before. He also made good on his promise wreck some havoc on Filch and his cat, somehow avoiding detection even though most of the other students were gone.

On Christmas morning Sirius woke without high expectations. The Blacks never did much to celebrate Christmas anyway and he certainly didn't expect his parents to change that tradition now. He rolled out of bed so late in the morning that it was almost afternoon. His eyes were only half open as he stumbled to the bathroom to relieve his protesting bladder.

As he returned to the dormitory, blinking sleepily, something caught his eye. There was something strange at the foot of his bed. As he got closer he saw that there were small packages wrapped in brightly colored paper piled on top of his trunk at the foot of his bed. Presents.

A grin spread across Sirius' face. He hurried the rest of the way to his bed, dropping to his knees and sliding across the floor. In an instant he was already ripping open the first present he could remember receiving in a very long time. From Remus he had gotten a poster of Geoffrey Hooper, Sirius' favorite Quidditch player on the Montrose Magpies. From Peter he had gotten a bunch of packages of chocolate frogs and several sugar quills. And lastly from James he had gotten a Screaming Yo-yo and also a Sneakoscope.

As Sirius was sitting on the floor of the dormitory playing with his Screaming Yo-yo he noticed that a note had fallen out of James' present. He picked it up and began to read.

_Hey Sirius!_

_I hope you are enjoying your Christmas! I also hope to find the castle still in one piece when we get back. We still have more exploring to do! I wanted to let you know that my mother has insisted that you come spend Christmas with us next year if you don't want to go home again. She was actually pretty cross with me that I didn't invite you this year. Sorry about that! Next year will be better though! _

_See you soon!_

_James_

Sirius smiled. He suddenly felt that he was in fact strong enough to go against his own family. He had never fit in with them anyway. He felt that he could build a new life outside of his family where he could simply be himself. He could be free of all his family's responsibilities. He could be free to make his life whatever he wanted it to be.

And it was then at eleven years old at Christmas time as he sat alone in the Gryffindor boys dormitory Sirius Black decided that he would take control over his own life. No one was going to tell him what he could and couldn't do again.

He was free.


End file.
